Freedom and Truth are two of my most important values.. I am grateful for these values. They have given me vision, independence, and the ability to set boundaries well. They have allowed me to prioritize things that matter to me and disregard societal messaging. They have helped me become more and more genuine in a world full of filters. I have been told that this combination of values and the way I apply them to myself and those I meet encourages people around me to relax into the freedom of being honest about how they feel, what they think, and what they need.
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Despite all of this, I am most interested how they limit me. Every value has its ego side, after all. It’s comical, because I think that my love of freedom sometimes strangles me from taking steps towards who I’m becoming , and my desire for truth has often led me away from the personal truths that matter most to me—like the one where all the people I meet are just as valuable as me no matter their level of self awareness, their ability to contribute, or their work ethic. I would argue they can also keep me from actually responding to what I learn about others. Truth can become a box to check, and I sometimes cling to my own freedom so desperately that what was a walking stick, helping me endure long solo hikes or difficult terrain becomes a crutch, keeping me from actually lending a hand. My desire to be as honest as humanely possible has been hurtful. When I utter a half-truth, I feel disgust and shame towards myself. When one is spoken to me, I internally ignite with anger and struggle greatly to not take it personally. I lose respect for the imperfect and beautiful human across from me, who is allowed their fears and privacy. I have often put honesty before love, and left people feeling small. Recently I’ve noticed that truth can also keep me in a cycle of doubt and questioning beyond what is helpful. Forgiveness and trust (for myself or others) return at a snail’s pace in all cases.
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My other core value is Joy. I have typically made this about me, and have found my ability to hoard this like a limited resource has often been the root of grief for me. The balance between allowing people the freedom to feel and be who they truly are and knowing when to pull from my well of joy to lift the room is one I am only beginning to explore. Perhaps when I’m feeling drained, the answer isn’t hiding away the joy I have left until I can replenish my stores, but instead focusing on pouring happiness into the person or space who needs it and allowing stronger, more intimate Joy, Freedom, and Truth to overflow from beyond myself.
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